Bagpuss

Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford

Authors Note

This is running on 01/02 as per usual with the most up to date football gamer patch installed plus a few extra players I've added. This is going to be some what different to my normal style as I'm aiming to make this one more in depth than normal.

I'm even going to avoid signing players too if I can help it as there is more than enough talent in the youth ranks to keep Man Utd going for quite some time plus as you will soon see money may be hard to get hold off.

Disclaimer: Any real life people or circumstances cropping up are pure coincidence and the same goes for any vague movie plots that occur too, and the manager's name is kind of nicked from one of my favourite authors as I'm rubbish at inventing names.

Bagpuss

Bearded Tw@t Attempts Takeover

Daily Telegraph April 13th 2001

Today it was announced that Malcolm Glazer had gone hostile in his long term attempt at gaining control of Manchester United PLC. Initial attempts of 300p a share had been turned down so after a few months Malcolm Glazer has returned with a 350p per share offer valuing Manchester United PLC at £825 million.

It is thought the deal involves selling off Old Trafford, renaming the stadium after a sponsor, raising ticket prices substantially and also using future income from merchandising and gate receipts too off set a large chunk of the funds via a loan note.

The Stock Exchange Rules now state that assuming a majority of shareholders agree to the bid and no one else makes an offer in the next 60 days the club will become Glazer's. It is believed that the Irish duo Magnier and McManus are likely to accept the offer as it would mean a hefty profit for them on their 28% holding of £50 million. With his own holding Glazer would have just under 60% in favour of the takeover meaning he would be taking control unless another better offer was made. The Manchester United PLC Board were unavailable for comment. The share price closed up 9p at 289p a share, but is expected to jump up at tomorrow's start of trading.

Peacemaker7

Well its a Man Ure story, but well good luck anyway I guess :p

Bagpuss

Last Gasp Effort by Supporters Club to Save Man Utd From Yankee Hands

Daily Telegraph June 11th

Today it has emerged that the Manchester United Supporters Trust Shareholders United have entered into the bidding for Manchester United PLC. The Trust are understood to have the backing of the club as well as allegedly Magnier and McManus, who as of yet have not formerly declared if they were excepting the Glazer offer. The trust are desperately trying to stop Glazer getting his hands on the club and then pumping the club for profit into his pocket.

The offer has few details made available yet but it pitched at 355p a share and has been discussed with all the remaining large shareholders other than Glazer. In fact it was announced that the trust have the backing of every single shareholder other than Glazer and Magnier/McManus. This means that a lot of money can be saved purchasing the club especially if McManus/Magnier agree to back the Trust too.

Bagpuss

McManus and Magnier Complete a Deal With Shareholders United Saving Manchester United From Glazer

Daily Telegraph June 13th

Today it has been confirmed that Shareholders United the Supporters Trust for Manchester United Football Club has completed a deal to take over the football club. The terms of the deal chiefly involve the club being taken off of the stock market back into private hands. The funding is being paid by Royal Bank of Scotland with the new owners of the club Shareholders United owing them the money.

McManus and Magnier have agreed to swap their shares in the club for a 40% stake of the new private company. This means that Shareholders United had to find just the funds to pay for Glazer's 29.9% Stake.

The details of this mean that Glazer will have to be paid £250 million by the end of the week otherwise the deal defaults and Glazer's offer will automatically win due to Glazer invoking Stock Market rules after declaring he had the funds in place to go ahead immediately.

The Trust are now negotiating with Royal Bank of Scotland on the exact terms of the loan for the funds to buy off Glazer. The share price closed at 339p before being suspended pending bid outcomes.

OMDave

Stock exchange drama

Good luck, however little you're going to need it :thup:

Bagpuss

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OMDave:
Stock exchange drama

Good luck, however little you're going to need it :thup: <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

you aint see the rest of it yet

espcially the new mangers rules on getting another game

Bagpuss

Shareholders United and Bank Agree Loan Details

Manchester Evening News June 18th

Today the Royal Bank of Scotland and Shareholders United agreed the details of the £250 million loan to pay off Glazer. It was also announced that the new private company that will own Manchester United will be called Newton Heath Holdings after the original name the club was formed under back in 1878.

The loan details are very basic in that for the next 10-15 years the club will have to pay £2 million pounds a month back to the bank after they were loaned £200 million at a rate of 5% interest per year. This deal means that after all the funds have been repaid the club will be entirely owned by Newton Heath Holdings. The club can also pay additional payments off of the loan if there is a surplus of funds at the end of each season. To fund the extra £50 million the club were forced to use all of the cash reserves and still went into a debt of £10 million as well as acceding to a few additional clauses set by the Bank.

The club have said that there will be an announcement regarding boardroom structure and there details on July 15th at a press conference where all questions will be answered.

Bagpuss

Manchester United Press Conference July 15th

The Centenary Suite Old Trafford

Its a packed room full of supporters, executives and morons erm sorry members of the press. On the stage is a stand with dozens of microphones from media broadcasters from all over the world. From the side several people appear and make their way up on to the stage, the people are David Gill , Chief Executive, Sir Roland Smith , Former PLC Chairman and now Newton Heath Holdings Chairman, Maurice Wilkins , Club Secretary and Solicitor as well as Board member and Shareholders United representative, J P McManus and his side kick John Magnier , and Sir Fred Goodwin Chief Executive of Royal Bank of Scotland.

David Gill

“Welcome to this press conference ladies and gentleman and members of the press. Today I have a few announcements to make some of which are unexpected and to be honest shocking even for me to say to you despite having had a few weeks to get used to them.

First of due to way the Royal Bank of Scotland has funded us at a very low rate of interest as well as lending us the money on an unsecured basis we have had to agree to a few important terms relating to them. This means if we fail to pay them back they can not take any part of the club in lieu of the loan repayments but we do have a few different potential liabilities instead.

These liabilities are chiefly that if we default on the loan although they won't own anything they can sell off the Royal Bank of Scotland will own 25% of the holding company. This stake will decrease as the loan is paid off dropping to 10% when it is fully paid off.”

There are several murmurs of disapproval at this announcement but these are soon extinguished as David continues.

“As I was saying, this is just one of the conditions we had to go along with and in the long term will benefit the club. With the agreement of Vodafone the Royal Bank of Scotland will now be co joint main club sponsors.

Now for some more shocking news to many of you, although it was going to happen in the next few years anyway, Sir Alex has resigned as manager due to differences of opinion with the John and JP here.”

David points at Magnier and McManus beside him as the suite breaks out into a lot of voices shouting and questioning but from the rear of the conference room a loud Scots voice slurs

“Ah'll have you Irish bashtardsh if itsh the lasht thin ah ever dae. Yuv coast me ma joab ya cuntsh, an' ma money.”

The next thing the people on the stage know is that there are three bottles of what appears to contain frozen yoghurt (it is in fact the frozen sperm from Rock of Gibraltar the horse Sir Alex co-owned with Magnier's Wife) flying at the Irishmen.

“Here huv yer ****ing horshe back, ah want proper payment thish time ya bashtardsh, ye kin shtart wi' geein' me ma joab back” Sir Alex forces his way up onto the stage and then to put it all bluntly all hell breaks loose.

“ Are you ****ed” shouts McManus trying to hold an enraged Fergie back who’s fists are flying.

“Naw, ahm Scots an' ah like ma' whishy'” he slurs back before being dragged of by a pair of big security guards wearing their trademark uniform on Black everything and Black glasses plus those stupid earphone things.

Just as Sir Alex disappears out of the suite a final shout of “I’ll be back” in a dodgy Scots Drunken Arnie imitation is heard as Sir Alex vows to get his vengeance.

“Well that livened things up a bit didn't it” David Gill says “Time for a brief adjournment while I make sure Sir Alex is escorted off the premises.”

The Press Conference Continues

“Right back to the important things” says David Gill as he makes his way back out to the podium.

“Regarding the resignation of Sir Alex as you will all gather it wasn't by mutual consent more mutual hatred really but despite having had two weeks to find a replacement we have had no luck just yet. We will have appointed someone by the start of the season but for now the assistant manager, Carlos Queiroz, is running the team.”

Sir Roland Smith and Maurice Wilkins both step up to the podium next.

“Good afternoon” says Sir Roland, “I'd like to announce that part of the agreement in this takeover was that what we paid out as a share dividend will still be paid out but now to the new owners as a thank you for helping us prevent Glazer's bid attempt.”

“The proposed expansion to the West and East corners of the North stand will have to go on hold until the financial position of the club is more secure,” continued Maurice. “But don't worry the long term aims remain the same in that we want to expand the ground to fulfil our full potential.”

“That's about all of the important stuff, bar the usual we are not upping ticket prices by more than inflation nonsense we mention each season” finished off Sir Roland. “ We'll be holding another press conference nearer the start of the season to welcome the new manager to the club but for now we hope to see some of you over in Japan on the pre season tour.”

The press conference ends with the podium people wandering off and a video clip running advertising the forthcoming Japan tour.

Bagpuss

Manchester United Press Conference July 27th

The Centenary Suite Old Trafford

It's another packed press conference in Manchester and this time everyone is eagerly awaiting the announcement of the new manager. David Gill , Sir Roland Smith , Maurice Wilkins , and Sir Fred Goodwin all make their way up to the stage.

“Welcome to this press conference ladies and gentleman and members of the press. Today we are happy to announce the appointment of the new manager for Manchester United. It is a bit of an unusual signing in that the new boss has very little football experience especially at anything other than playing level” says David Gill.

“We have decided up at boardroom level that due to the modern footballing world focusing on bizarre entities known as head coaches etc., it has been decided that we don't really need a manager who knows a lot about the game as their are plenty of coaches and the assistant manager himself to take advice from. In fact we have gone for someone who is more well known outside of football than in it.

He is actually a leading young businessman who has lots of high profile clients and is also a bit of a marketing whizz too. With the modern footballing world getting ever more marketing and business focused we feel he is the ideal manager as their isn't a lot of difference between managing a squad of football players and managing a team of office staff really. The only help he'll need is on the finer points of tactics which I have been assured he'll pick up in no time at all.

This will be a footballing first for any team to appoint a manager from outside of the profession, although you could argue anyone who wanted David Platt as a boss already had done so. Nowadays for big clubs the manager is to busy to run everything so its down to the coaches and assistant manager to organise training etc., although modern managers do still keep a fairly close eye on players to see if they can see any improvement from them. Any way now is the apt time to welcome the new manager of Manchester United to his new job so without any further hold ups or waffling on from me I give you Mr Stephen Baxter to tell you about his plans for the future and to answer your questions.”