Peacemaker7

Notes

Similiar to the story I wrote last year at this time, this will be (hopefully) a quick foray into the international fray with Wales & N Ireland and Australia & New Zealand.

Running FM 05, with top 2 English and SPL and ddt files for wales, NI, Australia and NZ

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The Men

Jim Trotter (37) Wales Born in Wrexham, Trotter wanted to be an astronaut as a child. Fortunately, they didnt let Welsh people into space in case they met aliens. The problem being that no-one would know the difference. Until the age of 21, Trotter played Rugby, and thought that football was for girls until Wrexham offered him a contract worth £1000 a week. Someone, somewhere in the Wrexham scouting system had thought Trotter could be a valuable asset in the heart of the defence, with his strength and power. They were wrong. He plodded his way through his career, never achieving anything, and yet somehow managing to remain in the Wrexham side. Think of a Welsh Bert Konterman.

On retiring, he went into coaching, and when the Welsh international job came up, he flippantly applied for the job. A clerical error resulted in him being offered the position, and the Welsh FA are stuck with him unless they want to pay off his contract. Which they can ill afford to do. Think of a Welsh Berti Vogts.

Paddy O'Brien (33) Northern Ireland Born in Belfast, brought up in Dublin, his father was a catholic, his mother a protestant. Paddy's parents were killed in a Belfast bombing when he was six years old, and bumbling beauraucracy saw him being placed in a convent orphanage, being brought up by mean evil nuns, and the only boy amongst 50 girls. Sadly, by the time Paddy was old enough to realise he had struck lucky, he had decided he was gay and once had an infamous affair with Celtic star Neil Lennon, who strenously denied the allegation and claimed someone was trying to shoot him which was why he had run into the exact same public toilet cubicle as Paddy. Of course, someone was trying to shoot him, and the only problem with that was, they missed.

For Paddy though, life in Ireland became too much, and upon leaving the covent school, he decided to redress the balance in his political leanings by joining the UDA. Eventually though, he soon came to release that blowing people to bits wasnt nearly as fun as, well just blowing people really, and so he gave up his life of terror, moved to Scotland and joined up with some crappy football team who were so desperate they would take on anyone. That team just happened to be Ayr United.

By now, Jim Trotter was getting decidely agitated, becuase Paddy's bio was considerably longer than his. But that was really his own fault for being Welsh. Paddy's career came to a premature end, mostly because he was pish, and of course he went into coaching, and eventually became Northern Ireland manager. The side were so pish poor that even Berti Vogts didnt want the job - He couldnt actually make them any worse.

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The Other Men

Roy Jamieson (38) Australia Brought up by Dingo's in the outback, Roy never knew his mother and father were. In a sense, that was a great relief to him, as his father was really Berti Vogts, who had impregnated a young aboriginal girl on a trip to Australia. The girl had been so disgusted by the fact her baby would the son of such a crap manager (She had a crystal ball or could tell the future with twigs or by the shape of her pee on the dry desert, or something.) thet she abandonded him in the hope the Dingo's would eat him. But even they were fussy about that they ate.

Jamieson was finally found, at the age of 8, by English missionaries, who had come to Australia to convert the wild dogs to Christians. Hector and Cynthia Jamieson managed to rescue the young boy by placing him in their hot air balloon, but forgetting to get in themselves, they were quickly eaten by the dogs, who were then struck dead by God.

To cut a long and boring story short, Jamieson became manager of the Australian national side, and was given just one instruction. Do not, under any circumstances, pick Craig Moore.

Dave Black (32) New Zealand The youngest of our four managers, little is know of the man who grew up in an area that has more sheep than people. Thats right, Wales. It was natural therefore that Black would adopt a country which had even more sheep, and so he moved to paradise. New Zealand, where the sheep will do anything for 10 dollars.

Not much is known about Black, but I've said that already. One day he just popped up as New Zealand manager. His only regret is, sheep arent allowed to be chosen for New Zealand. Its a shame because the sheep are better footballers than the humans.

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The Begining

Wales and Northern Ireland were, of course, drawn together in the same World Cup Qualfying group. It made little difference really though, because they were both quite pish and would almost certainly not reach Germany, even if the Welsh did harbour this silly notion that they were good enough.

Their trip to Azerbaijan proved they werent.

Both Wales and Nothern Ireland had hastily arranged warm up games. In Cardiff, Wales took on a team of Sheep, and were to lose by three goals to one, Ryan Giggs having to go off at half time because he had fallen in love with the right back. It was a decent enough game, but Trotter was, like his New Zealand counter-part, to be ultimately dissapointed that Dai the Sheep was ineligible for selection.

In Belfast, the annual Catholic v Protestant fiendly match was rather quiet this year, with only three deaths on the pitch, ten sendings off and one stabbing. The scoreline of 22-4 in favour of the protestants was rather inflated by the fact that the Army opened fire when a section of the Catholic end tried to invade the pitch to help their team, and as the remaining Catholic players took cover, so the Protestants played on and scored goal after goal.

And so, on to the real thing.

Most teams in this group - which also includes England, Poland and Austria - will probably hammer Azerbaijan, but Wales didnt. Twice they fell behind, but Craig Bellamy and then a bizzare goal from Robert Page as the home defence stood still at a corner, and Wales came away with a point. It was better than nothing, but really it wasnt good enough.

Northern Ireland started at home to Poland, and gained a real boost on the 46th minute when the referee sent Polish midfielder Maruisz Lewandowski off for having a stupidly long and unpronouncable name. Ten minutes after the break, another Pole was red carded, but it didnt help the hapless Northern Irish, as they ended with a goalless draw.

In Austria, England cheated their way to a 1-0 win.

A few days later in Cardiff, Wales and Nothern Ireland squared up for the match that we had all been waiting for. In many ways, it was pointless for the Irish as they hate to be called, to turn up. Mainly, because they ended up being thrashed 4-1 and if they had stayed at home it would have been a 3-0 walkover. The result was greeted with glee in Wales, but as this was probably going to be their best chance to laugh at someone else, you couldnt blame them really.

In the other games, Austria stuffed AZerbaijan 3-1, and England cheated their way to a 2-1 win in Poland.

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The Bit After the Begining

For New Zealand and Australia, the World Cup was still a very long way away. And not just in terms of miles. But there was for them, the little matter of the Oceania Nation Cup Final. It mattered not that to the rest of the world, this was a joke tournament. Beating the likes of Fiji and Tahiti was hardly that big a deal. They still lived in caves, and played football not with pig skins, but indeed with their actual heads.

Of course, New Zealand and Australia arent that much further advanced football wise, but for them this is the World Cup Final. Going into this two legged final, both nations had won the tournement three times each. After it was over, the Aussies had added a 4th win. It was really all too easy, as they coasted to 2-0 wins in both legs, and now they concentrate on the tough task of getting to the World Cup.

Wales route to Germany took them next to Wembley to face an England side so bloated with overconfidence, it was obscene. In the end, the English tactics of cheating won them the match 2-0, and it looks like they would be on their way to Germany, where they would no doubt be once again humiliated by the big boys. On the same say, Northern Ireland pulled off a great 0-0 draw in Azerbaijan that has the country raving that things were about to get better.

Austria beat Poland 1-0.

And Poland it was who were Wales next opponents, and with the referee being of Polish descent, it was no surprise therefore that he awarded the Poles penalty kicks almost immediately after both the Welsh goals, and with the Cardiff crowd going wild with rage, the match ended 2-2.

Over in Belfast though, Nothern Ireland were about to give the Welsh an unexpected present. Despite the match against Austria being refereed by a clearly Austrian referee, Michael Weiner, two great second half goals saw the Northern Irish run out 2-0 winners, and for once even the Catholics had little to whine about. Even if it was a Proddy bastard that scored the second.

In Azerbaijan, England bribed their way to a 4-0 win.


<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">1 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 7 | +1 | 5 | | | | 4th | | N.Ireland | | 4 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 4 | 1 | 5 | | | | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | | | 1st | | England | | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 1 | +8 | 12 | | | | 2nd | | Austria | | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 6 | | | | 3rd | | Wales | | 4 || 5th | | Poland | | 4 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 2 | 2 | | | | 6th | | Azerbaijan | | 4 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 9 | 6 | 2 | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | </pre>

HD

I'm confused, what does that table show??

Peacemaker7

Erm, I dont know :cries:

Peacemaker7

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | | England | | 4 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 1 | +8 | 12 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Austria | | 4 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 6 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Wales | | 4 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 7 | +1 | 5 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | N.Ireland | | 4 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 5 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Poland | | 4 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 5 | -2 | 2 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Azerbaijan | | 4 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 9 | -6 | 2 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

Peacemaker7

There

HD

ah