ViRuS

A Santa Claus,Fairy ,an intelligent Man U fan and an old drunk man were walking on a road.They all saw a $ 100 bill together and tried to get them...

Who got the bill ???
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Old Drunk man ofcourse,as other three are mythical characters.

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PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

What do u do when a ManU fan throws a grenade at u?????????????
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easy....u take out the pin and throw it right back at him.

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

A man hands over a £50 note to the turnstyle operator at Old Trafford.
Man: Two please.
Turnstyle Operator: Will that be defenders or strikers, sir?


Why do MU fans put team stickers on their cars?
So they can park in the handicapped spots

Quasimodo in his study and once again is feeling depressed about how ugly he is. Looking for some reassurance, he goes in search of Esmerelda. When he finds her he asks her once again if he really is the ugliest man alive.
Esmerelda sighs and says "Look, why don't you go upstairs and ask the magic mirror who is the ugliest man alive? The mirror will answer your question once and for all"
About five minutes later a very pleased looking Quasimodo bounced back down the stairs and gave Esmerelda a great big hug.
"Well it worked" Quasmido beamed, "But who on earth is WAYNE ROONEY?"

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

A bloke goes into the John Lennon Airport and manages to
eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being
called.
All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows,
computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers
lying on the floor. "Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the
ground crew. "Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless .... we had
the MU players in here this morning filming the new Nike
ad".

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the MU goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her

Q: What do MU Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.


Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a MU fan?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a MU fan.

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

Gary and Phil Neville are sitting in the pub with their dog and this guy comes in and lifts up the dog's tail, looks underneath it and then leaves. Gary and Phil are bemused by this but continue to enjoy their drinks.

Then another guy comes in and does the same thing, looks under the dog's tail and then leaves. When a third guy comes in and starts to do the same thing, Phil stops him and asks "hold on mate. you are the third person to do that. What are you doing?"

The guy says "There is a man outside who says that there is a dog in here with 2 arseholes."

THIS ONE IS THE BEST

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

The Manchester United virus --- Your PC develops a disorder whereby the memory forgets everything before 1993
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The Manchester Utd Shirt virus --- This one is especially hard to detect as it changes its format every 2 months.
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The Schmeichel virus --- Your PC develops a hideous, large red dot in the middle of the screen
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The David Beckham virus --- The lights on your PC are all on but nothing works
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The Roy Keane virus --- Throws you out of Windows
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The Alex Ferguson virus --- Your PC develops a continuous whining noise
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The Massimo Taibi virus --- You can't save anything
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The Ryan Giggs virus --- Makes your computer think it's better than it actually is

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

Mrs keane and Roy were sitting in front of the Television watching the Six o'clock news. The headline feature was a man who was threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension Bridge onto the busy road below. Mrs keane turns to Roy and says "Roy, I bet you 5000 that he jumps!" to which Keane replies "5000! Done" The pair shake on it and continue watching the commotion on the TV. Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud. Keane takes 5000 out of his pocket and gives it to his wife. "I can't take that from you, Roy" she says. "I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news so I knew what was going to happen. I can't accept that money". Roy replies "No darling. The money is yours fair and square. I was cheating too, I saw the news at five. I just didn't think he would do it again!!!"

At a man utd training session alex ferguson clears off and says to the team i have important business 2 attend, roy keane u train the team. Keane says no problem boss

Next day ferguson does the same thing clears off the training ground and leaves keane 2 train the team. Keane says 2 the team come on lets go home, alex is the manager and he keeps clearing off. Gary neville arrives at his home and sees alex fergusons car parked outside. Confused, he slowly walk's into his house and peeks through the living room door and sees ferguson having sex with his wife on the sofa, gary neville leaves the house shocked

The next day at training ferguson says the same thing "keane look after the team i have some important business 2 attend". Alex ferguson leaves in his car.

Roy keane says come on lads lets go home. Gary neville says no way, I nearly got caught yesterday

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ViRuS

A Man City and Man United fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the City fan "I agree" replies the United fan

The City fan then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

"Look" he says to the united fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"

He hands the bottle over to the United fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the City fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.

"Aren't you having any?" asks the United fan. "No" replied the City fan, "I think I’ll wait til the Police get here."

__________________
PLATINI: WHAT ZIDANE CAN DO WITH A BALL, MARADONA CAN DO WITH AN ORANGE.

CANIGGIA: A THOUSAND GOALS OF PELE WONT MATCH MARADONAS GOAL OF THE CENTURY.

ToonArmy

Am I the only one that thinks these jokes are shite?

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